HoneyShed

Hard Work Pays Off

We were going to crown a new HONEYSHED EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK but:

Marshall has displayed such exemplary behavior in the past seven days that we’re bestowing him with the honor for another week. 

Speaking of admirable dudes, check out this guy. Workin’ it. 

Mrs. Popular! from Vanessa C. on Vimeo. 

Kitties, Puppies and Hiccups

Sometimes, when you’re tired, you just want to spend your day looking at cute pictures of sleeping animals. Cause then you can pretend you’re sleeping. Or you can pretend you have a pet. Or you can miss your pet and wish they were at work with you. 

But before serenading you with animal pics, there’s a secret method to curing hiccups that everyone should know. If you’ve got the hiccups get a large glass of water. Lean your head back, holding the water in one hand and using the other hand to pinch your nose shut so you can’t breathe through it.  Get a friend/loved one to stick their fingers in your ears. Fingers don’t need to be IN the ears, just on the pointy cartiledgy part (officially known as the tragus)  while applying pressure inwards. Drink the entire glass of water without stopping or breathing. Lower your head, unplug your nose and ears. If hiccups still don’t go away then repeat this process.

Enjoy! 

That’s all you get.  

MANCHESTER UNITED!

If you enjoy soccer and/or fantasize about being a soccer player, doing a soccer player, or some combination of both, then you were undoubtedly thrilled by today’s Manchester United v. Chelsea game. It goes down in history for a number of reasons but, to name a few, it had perhaps the most serious head collision ever seen that didn’t result in death (though may have resulted in concussion) and it was the first time two English clubs have competed for the Champions League Final. 

Not only was the game tied 1-1 by the second half, but it concluded in a penalty kick shoot out with a score of 6-5, all punctuated by Moscow’s pouring rain. Of course, this hardly seemed to deter the crowd or the players. Both got appropriately excitable, especially the players. All touching and pushing, body slamming and bitch slapping each other. 

But Manchester won. Yes they did. And it was beautiful.  

Of course bars across Moscow, England and probably Europe are going fucking nuts right now. As they should. There’s nothing like sport to bring people together. 

Three Way

Horniness and humor go hand in hand. This may be the funniest video you’ve ever seen. 

Sexpert Demonstrating Vibrators from Vanessa C. on Vimeo. 

Pregnancy Scare

If you’re capable of it, being pregnant is supposedly awesome.  Friends and family get excited, lots of glowing is involved, and of course, since the inevitable enormousness is for a good cause, nobody cares how many donuts a girl consumes. 

Motherhood is next to godliness. Assuming you/your woman get pregnant on purpose (and are not in the process of getting it “taken care of”), women look on adoringly and men, often unbeknownst to themselves, are aroused and exhilirated by the obvious fertility. Everybody wants a piece of the action and it’s hard to tell if that pregnant glow is really a “glow” so much as a constant state of radiant self-congratulation. 

It seems that pregnancy is so incredibly awesome that not only does everyone discuss the baby but, the more visible the baby evidence, the better. We see belly shirts, belly chains, string bikinis, and tank tops that don’t quuuuuite cover that bulge. The bigger the better! A pregnant woman could have “Hey! Get Your Own Shitter!” screen printed on her midriff-baring tank top and, because there’s a little one underneath, people would think it’s funny or worse… they’d think it’s cute. 

Of course the next step is to have lewd sexual sayings/innuendo printed up on cheap, synthetic walmart-esque t-shirts. I’m sure this happens in places like Oklahoma and Kentucky, but it’s all about introducing it to the mainstream.

Things like:

Wanna Meet my Big kid?

Don’t Hit me with That!

I’ll Bring the Peaches and Cream

Don’t Knock it Till you Bang It

On a Long-Dicking Hiatus 

Touch My Rattle 

…this list could probably be better. But you get it. 

Maybe once Angelina’s twins burst forth everyone will calm down and go back to caring about purses and pocket puppies. 

Dirty Teeees from Vanessa C. on Vimeo.

HONEYSHED EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK!!

It’s Friday! Time for our first installment of the…

Honeyshed Employee of the Week!!

Name: Marshall W.

Age: 27

Occupation: Music Supervisor

Hobbies:

• Sporting big head phones
• Making beats
• Wearing a conductor’s cap
• Having loud, personal phone conversations when the office is completely silent 
• Blasting hip hop and/or electronic music whenever a conference call is happening
• Instigating dance sessions
• Ping Pong
• Bothering Vanessa

Why He Deserves the EOTW Title: 

Marshall adds to the overall flavor of Honeyshed. His improptu dee jay sessions and inspiring dance moves, coupled with his enthusiasm for the Honeyshed vision, make him a prime candidate for this distinguished title. Without Marshall’s unparalleled work ethic and general zest for life, Honeyshed would not be what it is today.  

Who’s next?… Check back next Friday 

Sunday Line Up

California just got with the program and legalized same-sex marriage…

Rather you’re gay, straight, married or single there’s one thing everyone can agree on. Only certain types of movies are appropriate for Sunday afternoon; action/sci-fi movies, mildly amusing comedies, and movies where one family member dies.

Anything outside of those highly specialized genres is unacceptable. Need a few suggestions?

Try these:  Alien, Beaches, A League of Their Own (so good), Troop Beverly Hills (Elizabeth swears), Terms of Endearment, The Family Stone and of course, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome starring my girl Tina TURNER!

Note: The more times you’ve seen these movies, the better. Sundays are not for experimentation. 

It’s Electric from Vanessa C. on Vimeo.

Vibes

Male Sex Enthusiasts are hard to come by. Fortunately, we’ve got one at our beck and call. 

Jenna Jameson: Velvet G! from Vanessa C. on Vimeo. 

INTEROFFICE ROMANCE/HOOKUPS: BAD IDEA OR ACCEPTABLE?

Some of the finest Honeyshed minds weigh in on this pressing issue….

Blaine (Producer): Depends on who it is. 

Elizabeth (Office Manager):  If you have a supply closet - good idea. If you only have a supply cabinet - bad idea 

Vanessa (Online Marketing): Bad. If you’re naming names. 

Marshall (Music Supervisor): Ha. Bad Idea. Why you askin? You tryin’ something?

Zack (Producer): Depends. Not enough information there.

Phil (Editor):  Hahahah. What’re you writing articles for Redbook now? 

Beth (Producer): Totally bad idea and I would say unacceptable!  It’s a lot harder to find a new job than a new boyfriend! 

Jonathan (Post Supervisor): Romance bad, hookup acceptable. Why you got your eye on someone?   

Russell (Editor): Ha. Interesting question. I think it really depends on the situation. On the state of the office you’re in. On how professional it can be if things go sour. My parents met in an office.  Is there a massive debate going on about this topic? 

Japonesque Curler from Vanessa C. on Vimeo.

Castration Station

This week Ryan is half clothed, using torture devices, giving us a sneak peak of his junk and taking us on the road with his dad. He’s even helping Catherine McCord tout the benefits of a vibrator; “Jenna’s Velvet G” brought to you by Doc Johnson. But enough about Ryan.

Our ladies are well represented and equally underdressed. We’ve got makeup, an eyelash curler, T-shirts and movies,  including the classic, Hard Candy, starring little darling, Ellen Page. That’s right boys, it’s really a timeless lesson.  You never know what kind of lady you’re messing with. Even if she does seem young and innocent.